


Running

by xXHolmesInHidingXx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: EVEN IM CRYING, IM SORRY OKAY, M/M, THEY WERE MEANT TO MAKE UP, THIS WASNT INTENDED TO BE SO SAD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-11-12 21:53:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18019154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXHolmesInHidingXx/pseuds/xXHolmesInHidingXx
Summary: A Wincest Oneshot partly based on the song Running by Adam Lambert. I was going to post this as part of a series of oneshots, but after writing it I've decided it deserves a book of its own AND if you guys really like it I might write a part two!





	1. Chapter 1

Dean Winchester was sick of running. Whether it was from the creatures that came out of hell, or the people in the streets that gave him hell. He was just sick of it. Sam would always tell him they would get through it, that the two of them would be okay as long as they had each other. But they didn’t. Sam was gone, and nothing Dean tried could ever bring his love back.

It was a December night, icy and cold with the onset of winter. They’d had one of the biggest fights of their entire relationship- Sam had become convinced that Dean didn’t want him anymore. “What did I do?” The younger Winchester wailed, tears pouring down his face.

Dean sighed. “You didn’t do anything, baby, I swear.” He reached out to wipe a tear away with his thumb- to his complete horror, Sam flinched back, away from the touch. “Oh, c’mon, Sammy. Don’t be like that.” Before Dean could even register anything else, Sam was on his feet.

“I’m sick of bein’ ignored, Dean! There’s always something else with you. Or, god forbid, someone else. You abandoned me for two years while I was in Hell. You spent them with Lisa and forgot all about me. And now? Now you’re… you’re so focused on finding Mom when we did just fine all those years without her. You want her back all of a sudden and why can’t you just accept that she’s gone, Dean!” Sam yelled, still crying, as far away from Dean as he could possibly get. “What good has she ever done for us?”

“She’s our mom, Sammy. No matter what. Amara brought her back to us so that we could be a family again. Not so that we could just give up on her the second she gets into trouble!”

“Isn’t that what you did to me? The second I was in trouble, in Hell, you gave up on me and went running to her for that normal life you’d always wanted. Cause you can’t ever have that with me, can you?” Dean recoiled in shock at the words. How could Sam say that? Surely he knew just how much he meant to Dean? He took a deep, albeit shaky, breath and forced back his own tears.

“Sammy. Sit down, baby, and just listen.” He tried to placate his crying boyfriend, sitting on the end of the bed and patting the space beside him. “I did not give up on you. I would never. I looked for you for so long, and I was desperate to get you back. But then you didn’t and… it broke me.” Dean admitted shakily. “Lisa was only a distraction. I was still searching for you, no matter how many times she told me it was useless and that you weren’t gonna come back.”

Sam froze, shock written across his face, eyes wide and shining with unshed tears. “Y-you still looked for me?” He mumbled. Dean nodded. “Oh, Dean… I’m so sorry.”

“I wanted you back so bad, Sammy. Back where you belong, y’know?”

Sam opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. Then opened it again. “Where do I belong? I’ll always be the freak with demon blood, the weird kid with visions, the blood junkie… I can never escape that.”

“But you won’t. Because you are none of that to me. To me you’re… the kid who always looked up to me, the boy who I’d always give my life for, the man who I want to spend the rest of infinity with. My soulmate, Sam.” Dean looked up. His own eyes were bright with the emotion of the moment, and Sam found his breath catch in his throat at just how beautiful he was. Especially when he let the walls down and just let Sam see everything he was feeling. That kind of thing only usually happened when the pair’s bodies were entwined in their shared bed and Dean couldn’t hold back all of his emotions. He just let them all show, and Sam adored him all the more for it.

“Dean.” Sam whispered, but he was unable to say much more because all of a sudden Dean was there and all he could think was that he needed to hold him. He pulled him into his arms- Dean made a soft little gasping sound as he buried his face in Sam’s hair. They stayed like that for a long time.

But then something changed. Sam pulled back- practically pushed Dean away from him- and got to his feet. “Sammy?” Dean’s tone was filled with surprise, with a soft hint of a whine as he tried to get used to being out of his love’s embrace all of a sudden, like a baby when it is first put down after hours of being cradled in its mother’s arms.

“I need space.” Sam muttered. He all but ran from the room- moments later, Dean heard the door of the bunker slam shut. It would be useless to go after him. Sam didn’t want him anyway. A crushing sense of utter hopelessness filled him- he’d always known he wasn’t good enough to be with Sam, thought that he was the luckiest guy on Earth to have it so good. But now he’d lost that, and Dean knew that trying to get him back wasn’t going to work.

                                                                 XXX

Two hours later, Dean got a call. The caller ID read “Baby Boy” and a picture flashed up of the two of them with their arms around each other, laughing at something. It was Sam. His heart skipped a beat as he fumbled with it, trying to answer the call. “H-hello?”

“Hi, who’s this?” It was a woman’s voice. Oh god… A solid wall of panic seemed to hit Dean all at once, knowing what that had to mean. He told the woman his name, barely able to get it out amid the tears that were pouring down his face.

“You’ve got my boyfriend’s phone. Why have you got his phone?” He asked shakily, fists clenched tight. The woman hesitated before responding, which made Dean panic all the more.

“He told me to call. Dean, he was stabbed. An ambulance is on its way, and we’ve done everything we can, but…”

“No. Try harder! I’m not losing him!” Dean yelled, pushing one hand through his hair. “Not like this, Sammy, not after everything…”

“Dean, listen to me.”

“No. Not until you save him and I know that he’s not gone.”

“We tried everything. It was just too deep, and he’d already lost so much blood.” The woman sighed, but Dean was still having none of it. Sam couldn’t be gone. There was no way Dean was going to lose him like that after everything the couple had been through.

“How many times do I gotta tell you, try harder!” He insisted.

“My wife’s a doctor. Do you think she’s given up on him? She’s still trying, even though it’s no good now.”

“I’m on my way. He’s not gone. He can’t be.” Dean kept saying. He heard a woman’s voice in the background.

“Rosie, take over here and let me talk to him.”

“Lyssie, there’s no point. You felt it too, he’s-“

“Rosalynna, please. Just take over so I can talk to the man.” The other woman was practically begging, so her wife finally agreed. Dean heard little noises as they swapped places. “Hey, honey- are you Dean?” She asked softly.

“Yeah. My Sammy isn’t dead, is he? Tell me he isn’t.” There was a pause.

“We haven’t given up on him, Dean. An ambulance is on its way to us, okay? Do you wanna meet us here or at the hospital?” Dean had already grabbed his cars keys at this point and was halfway out of the door.

“I’m on my way there now. Where are you guys?”

“One second, I’ll send you our GPS location.” There was a pause, and then the soft beep of Dean’s phone as the GPS for Sam’s phone came through. “Got it?”

“Yeah. I’m putting you on speaker so I can drive. You are still trying, aren’t you?”

“Of course. Rosa isn’t going to give up on him. I won’t let her.” Lyssie told him firmly, which was a slight relief.

“I just… I can’t lose him. He’s my everything.”

“You won’t, Dean.”

xxx

She’d lied. Sam was gone- he had been the whole time, according to the ambulance team who checked him over. The girls had got there too late- Sam only had time to tell them to call Dean before his life force had run out.

Dean had never expected it to be Sam who went first, no way. He’d got him back every other time, but the Forces were growing tired of his meddling. Death herself had told him that if one of them died this time then that was it. But for it to be like this just wasn’t fair- he needed Sam back, because he couldn’t lose him like that.

He couldn’t say he didn’t try. He’d taken over the CPR from Rosalynna as soon as he arrived, hands shaking at first. Although there was no response, no flutter of breath against his mouth when he pressed his lips to Sam’s, that didn’t mean he could give up. He kept trying and trying to save his love. He kept going until his own lips went blue and he started trembling with cold. He’d left the bunker in only a grey tee and jeans, knowing how bitterly cold the air was outside but not having the time to get a jacket. He thought the ambulance would have been here by now, but it was taking far too long.

Then, finally, they were there, pulling Dean away from his love’s body. They checked his pulse (there was none), breathing (he wasn’t) and examined the wound (angry-looking and saturated with dark red blood).

“He’s been gone for a while.” One of them said.

“I’d say about half an hour?” The other guessed. Sam’s hands were cold when Dean tried to take them. But it was cold outside- his own hands were icy to the touch.

“I-I’ve lost him?” He murmured, trembling.

Both men nodded. Dean crumpled to the floor, sobbing. He wished he could be with him again, he didn’t want to miss him like this.

It was only a week before he got his wish. He’d chosen water, thinking that maybe it would be symbolic. He and Alyssiana (as he’d later learned her full name was) had poured water over Sam’s wound. He’d watched the water wash away the blood and knew then what he was to do.

There was no note, no explanation of his absence, except one.

_Sammy,_

_The kid who always looked up to me, the boy who I’d always give my life for, the man who I want to spend the rest of infinity with._

_My soulmate._

_I told you, didn’t I? I’m coming home. And by home I mean with you, wherever that might be. They say soulmates share a heaven, so why not find out?_

_See you soon, baby boy._

_Your Dean xx_


	2. Chapter 2

_They say soulmates share a heaven…_

 

Everything was dark. Was he dead? What had happened to him? All Sam had been able to remember was feeling the cold metal of the knife slide between his ribs and the sticky, too-warm feeling of blood on his fingers before the darkness took over. And now there was the nothingness, a numb kind of non-feeling that encompassed his entire body.

 

Sam blinked a few times, touching his fingers to the spot where the knife had been. There was nothing there- even when he tugged at his shirt to expose the area, all he saw was the smooth, unscarred skin that it had been before.

 

“What the…” he breathed, staring at it in total shock. Well, at least he still had a voice. He pressed his fingers to his chest again, exactly where the knife had struck, but felt nothing. He pressed harder, and still nothing. But then memories started to come back.

 

He’d walked out. They’d been arguing- over what, Sam was unsure, but he knew that it was most likely his fault.

 

_“I’ll always be the freak with demon blood, the weird kid with visions, the blood junkie… I can never escape that.” He’d whispered, voice flat and unfeeling and just devoid of everything. Dean was trying to comfort him. It was clear that the state that the younger man was in was one that would take a hell of a lot to bring him down from._

 

_“But you won’t.” Dean had promised. Holding both of Sam’s hands in his, letting down his walls to let his love see what he was feeling. Maybe he thought it would work better? “Because you are none of that to me. To me, you’re… the kid who always looked up to me, the boy I’d always give my life for, the man who I want to spend the rest of infinity with. My soulmate, Sam.”_

XXX

Weeks passed. Or at least it felt like they did. The passage of time wasn’t really something that Sam paid much attention to in this place- it didn’t really matter to him. He was alone, which must mean that Dean was still alive- right? Or at least, he thought that’s what it meant.

 

One morning, when Sam was curled up in an armchair, reading, there was a tap on the door. “I’m not interested in your Bible classes. I’m already dead, what good will it do me?” He called out with a frustrated sigh.

 

“Um. What Bible classes? I have a message for you.” A timid voice responded. Sam opened the door to reveal a girl who couldn’t have been more than fifteen or sixteen, who was holding out a piece of paper. “Your angel friend, um… Cas I think, he found this and wanted it passing on to you. So here- I better go now.”

 

What could Castiel possibly want to give him? Sam took the folded sheet from the girl and managed to smile at her before she practically ran away. “Okay…?” He murmured. At least she wasn’t from the Bible classes, he thought with a chuckle. That laugh was cut short when he unfolded the paper and saw Dean’s familiar handwriting scrawled across it. “No. No, no, no. Dean, no!”

 

_Sammy,_

_The kid who always looked up to me, the boy who I’d always give my life for, the man who I want to spend the rest of infinity with. The one I can’t live without._

_My soulmate._

_I told you, didn’t I? I’m coming home. And by home I mean with you, wherever that might be. They say soulmates share a heaven, so why not find out?_

_See you soon, baby boy._

_Your Dean xx_

 

Sam stared at the paper in total shock, unable to believe what it said. What that meant. Dean was… gone? But why wasn’t he there with him?

 

“I need to talk to Cas.” He decided- within seconds, the angel was at his side. He’d obviously been listening out, because he never usually arrived so quickly.

 

“Sam. I’m… sorry. About Dean.” He whispered, putting one hand on Sam’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. He shrugged it off.

 

“Has he already done it?” Cas nodded, biting his lip and looking up at Sam through his lashes. “So where is he? Why isn’t he here?”

 

“Sam, you have to understand… Dean did this on his own terms. It wasn’t his time to reach Heaven, so for the time being he is being held in Purgatory.” _Held in Purgatory?_ Sam scoffed- it sounded as though Dean was just being stored there, as if he were something that didn’t matter rather than the love of his life.

 

“Well then I’m getting him back.” He insisted.


	3. Author's note- what's happening to me?

Hey. I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. Life kinda... got in the way. But now I'm sat here, it's 1am, everyone in the house is asleep... and I am in agony. My chest feels like a sumo wrestler stood on it, my left arm is numb and my lips feel weird. Google says its a heart attack. But I'm 16, how the fuck can it be that? I'm... scared, and writing helps. That is why this is here. This is what I hold on to.

Update: They are okay, I'm just looking after the account for them while they recover. That night was scary for them, so they want to apologise for this post. Running will be updated once they have finished the next chapter, and apparently Sam has some plans to get Dean back. R xx


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